Kama Stupid: New Sex Positions for 2013

Reverse Status Update

Kama Sutra Sex Positions for Dummies

Reverse Status Update
The man and the woman lie atop each other in too engrossed in letting the world know what they had for dinner to have intercourse. Intense stimulation in this position comes from seeing what sweater their old college roommate’s dog is wearing.

Gangnam Style
Who doesn’t want to do it Gangnam style? Lovers wear bow ties, sunglasses and keep their arms outstretched in a position that says, “come and get it.” The difficulty of this position lies in each partner trying not to laugh at the other as they say, “Heeeey sexy lady.”
Gangnam Style

The #YOLO
This position requires the woman to set her self on fire while the man douses himself in lighter fluid. A very hot and dangerous way to go about sexual intercourse that you’ll only get one shot at — but hey — YOLO, right?
The #YOLO

The Honey Badger
This is a very powerful position — both lovers bare their teeth and go insane on all fours because honey badger? Honey Badger don’t care.
The Honey Badger

The SXSW Panel
15,000 people try and get on your lover. The few who actually make it then proceed to bore everyone else in the room.
The SXSW Panel

Breaking Bad
The two lovers wear hazmat suits with strategically-placed holes and call each other “bitch” while engaged in another illegal activity if physically possible.
Breaking Bad

Horny Horns
Lovers who are fans of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic dress in full bronies attire. Wingboners and clopping will abound.
Horny Horns

The Zuckerberg Plunge
Man promises the other lover it’ll be the best it has ever been. The other lover buys a ton of bedroom accessories in expectation and then the man continually disappoints expectations.
The Zuckerberg Plunge

Disney’s Magic Mounting Land
One lover bends over and puts hands on the floor while the other stands across the room inching towards the other as slow as humanly possible. This tantric position will conclude in a glorious union if either can endure the wait. Optional bedroom accessories: Crowd control gates; wait time signs
Disney's Magic Mounting Land

The Gold Digger
For this position you’ll need a chair, a lot of flexibility and a gigantic bank account. The man attempts to enter the woman while she inquires about the status of his 401k, credit cards and life insurance. It is hard for the man to keep his balance during this but he does have the option to rollover the conversation to his IRA.
The Gold Digger

source: trutv.com

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